Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
