then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
