ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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