(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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