You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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