Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
