to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
this just has baby written all over it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
