East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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