if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
