Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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