But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
