Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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