I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
