the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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