Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
