I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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