she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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