I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
