i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
