this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
