Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
