So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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