Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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