I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
