Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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