What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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