If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
