she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
