He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
