Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
