did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
