She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
