Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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