Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
