Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
