you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
