After last night, I could never be a politician.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
