Quick, to the slutcave!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
