She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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