first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
