I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
