Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
sex in a hospital.. check
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
