i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
