Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
