the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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