my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
