Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
