I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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