These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
