There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
