i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
