Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Randomize
