She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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